Monday

Horse, MS, an infuriating disease

So now I'm thinking of starting a nonprofit that works with horses and MS.  A way to afford the horses and to ride and to help others and to stay healthy.  I'm not exactly sure how it would work but if it would allow me to share my knowledge with others and to help the cause then that sounds pretty darn cool. 

Sometimes it's the loneliness I feel that is somewhat caused by the MS.  A small depression in my otherwise happy existence.  I can't live my normal life.  I can't keep up with many friends and folks my age.  My dear friends accept this and adapt.  New friends do as well.  Except on the partner front.  They still don't ever seem to get the needs I may have no matter how kind or sensitive they are by nature. 

MS is a difficult disease to work with.  Let's face it. I don't look disabled.  But everyday is a challenge for me.  What can I do today? 

Today I am down.  My inability to drive beyond city limits is exhausting.  My only relief is to ride, but my pony is sore right now.  I need to change farriers, etc.  She's barefoot and I'm hoping to keep her that way, but that again is another story.  I'm a bit stuck feeling.  But that is my fault as well.  Why don't I got for a walk?    I'm exhausted, that's why! 

Yesterday was a long day for me.  Even though I rested, I pushed myself to the max.  Long, hot day.   And now I'm beat.  I will go to barn to check on k-girl.  my poor k-girl who is one sore little trooper. 

MS is exhausting and folks dont often understand.  Exhaustion due in part by the need for us to micromanage our lives in order to survive.  Every hour.  Every event.  Every darn thing in life is approached with the question, "Can I do this today?" 

And coming from someone who used to have some real life adventures, having to ask myself this question on a daily basis just to live can be infuriating. 

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