The MS got a hold of me, worse than it’s been in months. But there were reasons. Pushed beyond comfort by demands of life, it caught up with me. And caught up bad.
Often we talk about the physical pain of MS, the tremors, the spasticity. The pain the comes from every nerve ending or the fatigue that covers us in a lead blanket.
And then the pain wanes and we feel better for a bit. But the emotional sludge that remains behind is detrimental to our health and happiness.
And boy did I feel it this morning when the day got started. Frustrated, irritated and angry at life, my legs crumbled their way out of bed to get some coffee. Crumbled for sure as there was no jumping for joy today.
Why my? Why this damn MS that suffocates me and keeps me jailed up in my body?
Sure, I aim for happiness. Positive thinking and all is great an my focus. But today, I’m not going to fight it. My emotions are way over the top upset and there’s no denying that I really I despise my MS right now.
Unfortunately the angrier I get the more worked up my MS becomes. This isn’t productive or healthy for anyone.
Time to force a change!
Yes, I’m using the word force. Enter something beautiful in life: A sit in the garden. A chat with a friend. A stroll through the neighborhood. Find the beauty, grace and appreciation that is the bases of life. It’s there but when I’m this worked up it’s hard to see beyond the tears.
But forcing this is easier than it may seem. Just sitting out in the garden for a few minutes is helping.
BREATHE DEEP EXERCISE
1. Breathe in deep to the chest.
2. Take the breath deeper, into the belly and gut and let it distend out as far as possible
3. Keep taking in more air, aware of the beauty around you.
4. When full of air, sit a second then exhale deep.
5. Exhale through the mouth, letting out everything dirty, angry and evil.
Ahhhhh... Feeling so much better already.
Now, to remember this trick during the busyness of the day.
Now that I can see straight and am calming down, time to record my issues.
Even after almost 20 years of this illness, I am still learning about it. Today was a lesson learned. AFter three days of physical hell, the emotional hangover was even worse. Next time my body faces exacerabations from mismanagement I must remember this tailing wind of emotions that have entwined me.