Found old entry never posted - Dragged into R and R

Wow.  Found an old journal entry not quite finished and never posted...  A piece of my raw mind from a few years back: 
Two Bunch Palms, Desert Hot Springs

Dragged into some much needed R & R
It finally hit me .  The necessity of this vacation.  While floating on my back in the whispering grotto of Two Bunch Palms, a silence from under water took over my thoughts.  The healing waters and floating noodles created a buoyant bed while I stared up into the blue skies.  the wind was seen not heard.  Blowing circle of trees, half palm and half pine.  Looking one direction confirmed I was in the desert while the other brought close the neighboring foothills.
As the wind picked up and the storm moved in the wind drifted lower, hitting the palms in the quivering sun before chilling the water resting on my legs.  The wind swirled around.  Crows hung out in the palms but the water kept them quiet. 
Finally I asked how I could have anger for coming here.  I used work as a cover-up for the anger at my illness that was exacerbated.  I was angry at me but took it out on everyone else.  Even though it wasn’t my fault, how could I get so behind and be so irresponsible with my future?   It’s not that, I just don’t like feeling poor and out of control of my life.
I have more solace at my house but let’s not forget the feelings from these past three days, the anger and drunkenness to the calmness and clean.  Great times with my nephew and family. 
Breakfast Sunday was good, easy, light variety of continental plus some eggs and potatoes.  Monday’s was a contrast but also I was sick and didn’t feel like eating.  Still angry, still needing more of a release. 
3 mile walk around compound in  robe, flip flops, road runner trail around 7A.  breakfast and then spa services at 9.  Elia.  Hope to never forget Elia.  Life changing were those two hours.  Water all day and night.  Flushing those toxins... 

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